Games

Darn. Just because I watched and helped my sis played one FB game, I’m back to playing games online. no good. no good 😦 

 

Darn you, Farm Heroes Sage. 

Hopeful

Maybe.. maybe, I’m wrong, and it’s probably just me thinking too much and it ain’t so bad after all. And things will be better. *cross fingers*

Change is the Only Constant

Change is the only constant.. People change, relationships change, mindset change, dynamics change.. nothing doesnt change.

I wonder what happened to the friendships. to the people whom i thought i could trust and rely on. i wonder who really cares. i wonder about those friendships that says that “we are still as close although we dont contact much”. how true is that? how true can that be? and when you try to pull these friends who seem so distant now back, they seem reluctant to. so i stop caring as well. as these goes on, my group of friends seem to grow smaller. friends whom i thought will last a lifetime. people seem to get more involved with the people they just know, forging new friendships rather than treasuring the old ones. i am tired. tired of having to forge new friendships. tired of changes. and tired of trying to get my old friends back. many times, i thought, i should just keep to myself. and people tend to disappoint me. to save myself from heartache and disappointment, should i just stop?

i hate changes in dynamics. nothing seem the same anymore. formation of smaller cliques within a big group of friends is normal. but its detrimental when they start naming themselves out as a group. other people will feel cut out. and drifting starts again.

And it’s 2014

Many writes the summary of their lives yearly.. a moment of thanks, appreciation and reflections. I think I dont really like to do it. I cant fully recall what happens through the year. I live the present. Could be due to the fact that I have poor memory. Probably that’s why I write. To make sure I remember.. But I have not been writing for long. I procrastinate. I lazed. And sometimes, I wish the memory will just fade away. Because I dont wish to remember. But everything forms me. I am who I am.

With the launch into the new year yearly, I find myself holding back, and wished for the long lost moments to happen again. It never fails to make me realise how fast time passes. As my siblings and I grow into adulthood, our parents are growing old. And I can’t bear the thought of it. I am not sure when I can not let my parents worry about us. They always do and I doubt they will stop. I dont know what to do. I relook at my life. Reflected times and over again. And I still dont know how. I dont know what to do. And I dont know where I am heading towards to. Every year, I seem to be un-accomplished. I have never ever once felt that I have fulfilled something in my entire life. So what if I have completed my studies and am out in fhe workforce? Now being able to help out with the family expenditure etc etc. Things never seem enough.

And many a time, it boils down to the questions: “Am I happy?” and “What do I really want?” I never seem to have the answers.