And it’s 2014

Many writes the summary of their lives yearly.. a moment of thanks, appreciation and reflections. I think I dont really like to do it. I cant fully recall what happens through the year. I live the present. Could be due to the fact that I have poor memory. Probably that’s why I write. To make sure I remember.. But I have not been writing for long. I procrastinate. I lazed. And sometimes, I wish the memory will just fade away. Because I dont wish to remember. But everything forms me. I am who I am.

With the launch into the new year yearly, I find myself holding back, and wished for the long lost moments to happen again. It never fails to make me realise how fast time passes. As my siblings and I grow into adulthood, our parents are growing old. And I can’t bear the thought of it. I am not sure when I can not let my parents worry about us. They always do and I doubt they will stop. I dont know what to do. I relook at my life. Reflected times and over again. And I still dont know how. I dont know what to do. And I dont know where I am heading towards to. Every year, I seem to be un-accomplished. I have never ever once felt that I have fulfilled something in my entire life. So what if I have completed my studies and am out in fhe workforce? Now being able to help out with the family expenditure etc etc. Things never seem enough.

And many a time, it boils down to the questions: “Am I happy?” and “What do I really want?” I never seem to have the answers. 

Inception

Been having weird dreams recently. Some pretty interesting though. Like how i dreamt that one of my colleague got a boyfriend and the boyfriend actually send a chauffeur to pick her up after work. ” Wowww. That colleague will marry rich” was what came to my mind first when i woke up XD 

My dream last night was weird though. Dreamt that i was hanging out with some ppl. Many ppl were in the dream this time. Then somehow, my relatives and this person relatives are related. Somehow, making things complicated. It’s like so weird and I was telling myself in my dream. Then I woke up. 

No. I dreamt that I woke up. In that state, I was telling myself that the above dream seems so real. s very the real it’s scary. and i almost believed it. Then I realised in my dream itself, no. I am still asleep. And i really need to wake up. I think I tossed and turned before I finally woke up. And when I did, questions were running through my mind. All I could think of was “How weird”. “What the hell am I dreaming?” ” What really happened?” I definitely cannot make sense out of it. 

Such dream is tiring. and it spoils my sleep. hope i’ll be able to sleep well tonight >< 

Till now..

It’s already March 2013. A quarter of the year is almost gone.

And i asked myself. “What have i accomplished this year?”

Think I’ve work so much that I’m defying my own “work-life balance” motto. Recent lessons have taught me that it’s totally not worth it. Not in the kind of environment that I am in right now. everything is done without appreciation. and it comes expected. they can expect more of you but you cant expect more from them. even when you shld deserve it. and going the extra mile to be responsible gets you in deep shit. 

 

I need my life back. need more self time. need more family and friends time. and at the same time, maintain my other commitments. And I’m still thinking of picking up more things. or prolly try pilates. Am I able to do it? 

Thoughts

不要想太多。。。 不要想太多。。。 不要想太多。。。 不要想太多。。。 不要想太多。。。 不要想太多。。。

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2012

Happy 2012! Seriously, time flies. i can still remember counting down at Marina Bay in 2010 to 2011 with seo. it was just like it happened yesterday. the fireworks were stunning. they were impressive. oh, i love fireworks. i have learnt to appreciate them over the years. and i seem to be liking them even more as time goes by. 

didnt really have the time to blog since x’mas because i was busy, unsure with what though. so many things seems to be happening. perhaps not. perhaps it was just me trying to do everything together. and now 2012 is here. counted down with random friends on nye at vivocity. not the best option though there are sure many fireworks to be seen. although i am not a christian, xmas and new year are the two festive period that i actually celebrate. other than that, i think it’s CNY and mid-autumn. 

the unlucky year fro the rabbits is almost over. hopefully the dragon year will bring us much luck, fortune, good health, love and joy. 

new year. new beginnings. new resolutions.

i dont have a habit of making resolutions. but will try to make some this year.

Resolution #1: To make resolution this year.  – checked √

Resolution #2: To rmb to take my medications on time (minus 03/01 -> because i forgot today)

Resolution #3: To be able to at least hold a small/short conversation in korean (am alr learning it 🙂 )

Resolution #4: To have a white christmas in Korea (or anywhere that has snow, but Korea preferably)

Resolution #5: To pick up Hainanese. it’s embarrassing i cant even speak my own native language

Resolution #6: To continue my dance classes (and perhaps, learn more dances or yoga if time and financial status permits)

Resolution #7: To manage my finance records properly again

Resolution #8: To pick up a sport – any kind (ranging from tennis to table tennis to badminton to running to swimming…)

Resolution #9: To have more self time and family time

Watched New Year Eve. they say everyone deserves a second chance. let bygones be bygones. but some people i’d have to say, doesn’t deserve them at all. and for those who have been given a second chance, do they deserve a 3rd or more chances? just some random thoughts.

apologies if this post doesnt make much sense or has no flow. my thoughts are everywhere.

那些年，我们一起追的女孩

caught the movie with YH and Mr Ong. the movie’s really really good! 真的让我回想起当年念书的那些时光。虽然没有戏里那么 drama, 但那些回忆，对我来说，也是真的好宝贵，好怀念的。。。 那些年

导演: 九把刀
编剧: 九把刀
主演: 柯震东 / 陈妍希 / 敖犬 / 郝邵文 /  蔡昌宪 / 鄢胜宇 / 弯弯
类型: 剧情 / 喜剧 / 爱情
官方网站: www.appleofmyeye.com.tw
制片国家/地区: 台湾
语言: 汉语普通话
片长: 105分钟

剧情简介   · · · 

　　青春是一场大雨。即使感冒了，还盼望回头再淋它一次。人生就是不停的战斗，在还没有获得女神青睐时，左手永远都只是辅助！！！
柯景腾（柯震东 饰）的一群好友，爱耍帅却老是情场失意的老曹（敖犬 饰），停止不了勃起所以叫勃起的勃起（鄢胜宇 饰），想用搞笑致胜却总是失败的该边（蔡昌宪 饰），胖界的夺爱高手阿和（赦绍文 饰），为了共同喜欢的女孩——沈佳宜（陈妍希 饰），不约而同从精诚中学国中部直升到高中部，一路都在进行他们从未完成的恋爱大作战。
某日柯景腾因恶作剧受到导师的处罚，没想到竟是接近心中女神的最好方法。原以为青春小鸟终于来临，却因场展现男子气概的自由格斗赛飞了！这一连串下…原本按兵不动的好友也都纷纷加入女神争夺战！
但是麻吉诚可贵，青春价更高，若为女神故，是否二者皆可抛哩？！

这可是九把刀他的故事。

那么，你的故事又是什么样的故事呢？

好累

真的觉得好累。有时候，我也不知道自己在忙些什么。又有时候，其实有很多东西可以去做，不是不知道从何开始，不然就是懒得去做，不想去做。

经过了一些事，觉得自己好惭愧。觉得自己该反省一下。我自己到底是个怎样的人，连我自己都不晓得。

tea session

feeling dumb

it was awkward to walk into somebody else’s meeting. it’s even more awkward when i’m the only one representing the comm to speak. then what’s the point of getting my fellow members there? just for the rest to see and recognise the face?

i thought it was quite dumb.

time has wings

time flies

Time has wings. it flies. and it has brought us to November 2011 already. the funny thing is, unlike car and airplanes and birds or any moving objects, it can only fly forward. there’s no way it can make a u turn and bring us back. time, like life, is a one way journey. 

although i have been expecting november since october (because i was alr stuck in november mode during october), i still cannot help but gape at how fast time flies. day after day, week after week, and month after month. then it’ll be years in counting. mom and dad have aged, and sadness usually dawn upon me when i see age catching up with them. they are no longer as healthy and fit as before. neither are me and my siblings young anymore. 

there is no time for regrets. no chance for us to look back and wish we were still somewhere in the past in our happy memories. as time passes, every next second that pass, the previous becomes history. even as i type this post. time is gone. i can always hit the delete button on the keyboard and easily clear away what i have written if i do not like it but there is no way i can hit the delete button and delete away my past. be it good or bad. what matters is we learn from the bad, the mistakes we make. and carry on the good that we have done.

and in another month time, it will soon be december. 2011 is soon coming to an end… and what are the accomplishments that you have done? have you kept any of your resolution? and what do you want to see in the future?