ramblings | Dream a Lil' Dream of Me

{2014/02/19} Games

Darn. Just because I watched and helped my sis played one FB game, I’m back to playing games online. no good. no good 😦

Darn you, Farm Heroes Sage.

{2014/02/08} Change is the Only Constant

Change is the only constant.. People change, relationships change, mindset change, dynamics change.. nothing doesnt change.

I wonder what happened to the friendships. to the people whom i thought i could trust and rely on. i wonder who really cares. i wonder about those friendships that says that “we are still as close although we dont contact much”. how true is that? how true can that be? and when you try to pull these friends who seem so distant now back, they seem reluctant to. so i stop caring as well. as these goes on, my group of friends seem to grow smaller. friends whom i thought will last a lifetime. people seem to get more involved with the people they just know, forging new friendships rather than treasuring the old ones. i am tired. tired of having to forge new friendships. tired of changes. and tired of trying to get my old friends back. many times, i thought, i should just keep to myself. and people tend to disappoint me. to save myself from heartache and disappointment, should i just stop?

i hate changes in dynamics. nothing seem the same anymore. formation of smaller cliques within a big group of friends is normal. but its detrimental when they start naming themselves out as a group. other people will feel cut out. and drifting starts again.

{2014/02/04} And it’s 2014

Many writes the summary of their lives yearly.. a moment of thanks, appreciation and reflections. I think I dont really like to do it. I cant fully recall what happens through the year. I live the present. Could be due to the fact that I have poor memory. Probably that’s why I write. To make sure I remember.. But I have not been writing for long. I procrastinate. I lazed. And sometimes, I wish the memory will just fade away. Because I dont wish to remember. But everything forms me. I am who I am.

With the launch into the new year yearly, I find myself holding back, and wished for the long lost moments to happen again. It never fails to make me realise how fast time passes. As my siblings and I grow into adulthood, our parents are growing old. And I can’t bear the thought of it. I am not sure when I can not let my parents worry about us. They always do and I doubt they will stop. I dont know what to do. I relook at my life. Reflected times and over again. And I still dont know how. I dont know what to do. And I dont know where I am heading towards to. Every year, I seem to be un-accomplished. I have never ever once felt that I have fulfilled something in my entire life. So what if I have completed my studies and am out in fhe workforce? Now being able to help out with the family expenditure etc etc. Things never seem enough.

And many a time, it boils down to the questions: “Am I happy?” and “What do I really want?” I never seem to have the answers.

{2013/05/03} Inception

Been having weird dreams recently. Some pretty interesting though. Like how i dreamt that one of my colleague got a boyfriend and the boyfriend actually send a chauffeur to pick her up after work. ” Wowww. That colleague will marry rich” was what came to my mind first when i woke up XD

My dream last night was weird though. Dreamt that i was hanging out with some ppl. Many ppl were in the dream this time. Then somehow, my relatives and this person relatives are related. Somehow, making things complicated. It’s like so weird and I was telling myself in my dream. Then I woke up.

No. I dreamt that I woke up. In that state, I was telling myself that the above dream seems so real. s very the real it’s scary. and i almost believed it. Then I realised in my dream itself, no. I am still asleep. And i really need to wake up. I think I tossed and turned before I finally woke up. And when I did, questions were running through my mind. All I could think of was “How weird”. “What the hell am I dreaming?” ” What really happened?” I definitely cannot make sense out of it.

Such dream is tiring. and it spoils my sleep. hope i’ll be able to sleep well tonight ><

{2013/04/07} Books and Reads

It had been quite some time since i bought books to read. my hobbies of old. my loves and addiction.

A random walk into the popular bookstore and i picked up the books. Have been craving for books for some weeks and guess it’s time to start reading again ~

Dragonswood – Typical fantasy book i like

Until I Say Goodbye – Encouraging books to pull me through. Which also reminds me that I havent exactly been keeping to my words to my doctor to keep a record of the difficult journey of my life ever since i was diagnosed with Cushing. I kind of just get frustrated at times. Get sick of having to return to the hospital every now and then. Sick of all the medical tests. sick of having to take medication everyday.

Think and Make It Happen – A book i think i really need. i dont see my potentials. i need to start identifying them and make most of it.

Hwaiting Jee!

{2013/03/24} Till now..

It’s already March 2013. A quarter of the year is almost gone.

And i asked myself. “What have i accomplished this year?”

Think I’ve work so much that I’m defying my own “work-life balance” motto. Recent lessons have taught me that it’s totally not worth it. Not in the kind of environment that I am in right now. everything is done without appreciation. and it comes expected. they can expect more of you but you cant expect more from them. even when you shld deserve it. and going the extra mile to be responsible gets you in deep shit.

I need my life back. need more self time. need more family and friends time. and at the same time, maintain my other commitments. And I’m still thinking of picking up more things. or prolly try pilates. Am I able to do it?

{2013/03/10} Thoughts

不要想太多。。。不要想太多。。。不要想太多。。。不要想太多。。。不要想太多。。。不要想太多。。。

{2012/04/28} i will miss you